Reflections on Buddhism
by Rev. Melissa Mantha

Since studying Shiatsu, I have felt drawn to learn more about Buddhism. The principles that I learned to use in diagnosing and treating came from ancient traditions in China and Japan. Both countries have been deeply influenced by Buddhism for thousands of years. I have always wanted to connect my experience in Shiatsu to the religion that influenced it greatly.

In reading Huston Smith’s, The Illustrated World’s Religions, I found many answers. As a scientist by nature and training, I found comfort in the rational perspectives. I have always had trouble with doctrine and ritual. The Buddha taught a religion that used a very scientific and experiential approach. There is no use of ritualized traditions as a way to find God. Instead, the way to “wake up” is through self-effort and experience. For me, I have had several moments of experience that have begun to wake me up. These moments have come through my own efforts and willingness to experience something higher than myself.

I struggled the most with the concept of soul. I welcomed the dialog with Scott and the group about this concept. My idea of my own soul seemed always to me to be a vessel and a finite object within the infinite. Buddhism teaches a very different idea. Our souls are not well-defined objects at all. In fact you might say that we don’t carry the same soul from one incarnation to the next. What is this? My ego screamed and struggled with this idea. I as an ego must be a well-defined and well-ordered soul. This concept takes the wind out my ego’s sails and I am becalmed in the water of understanding and experience. My mind can easily grasp the concept of duality, of being both the particle and the wave. I studied Chemistry and Physics and absolutely loved the idea of Schrodiner’s cat. I could apply these concepts to a light particle and fully believe that light can be both a particle and a wave. My ego rebels with this idea and wants nothing to do with this concept. How can my soul never ever be the same from one life to the next?

If my ego had its way, this whole struggle and concept would have been done with long ago. I would have rationalized some answers as to why the Buddhist concept must absolutely be false. This is the easy way out. Instead, I see the concept of sitting with a struggle and letting it be. My mind can not figure this one out at all. My understanding must come from another source. I must let go of my ego controls and have my ego step aside. I can see the value of a monastic life. In my busy life, it is hard to sit and struggle with this concept. It is easily avoided.

As a group, we were struggling with this concept. At one point Scott said one little “truth” that caught me off guard and my mind and ego had to let go. In that moment, I experienced an understanding greater than I could have achieved through my mind. I was deeply moved by my experience of what was said. I do not remember what Scott actually said. I am actually grateful for this. I believe my mind and ego would have latched on to what he said and not remember the experience of what occurred. What is infinitely more important is the experience. I will easily recognize the next time I step beyond my mind and ego.

Scott had us actually think about the concept of “What is the sound of one hand clapping”. Again, my mind tries to figure this out. I go this way and that looking, searching for that answer. Again, I really can’t answer this question with my mind. There is something else that needs to take place here. My mind goes absolutely blank for a moment and then I giggle. I just short-circuited my thinking process. It just gave up on me. The minute I realize what has occurred I am back into my thinking mind in a microsecond. I go back to thinking about the question. I struggle and look and look and struggle. Again, for a split second nothing. Quickly my monkey mind realizes where it has been and starts chattering away. I wonder is this what the Zen monks train to do for years at a time? Is this what is meant by emptying your mind? In the past, I tried to figure out what this meant and it seemed impossible. With that one little exercise, it now seems possible. If others before me have accomplished this freedom, so can I.

I will be away the next time Scott is lecturing. I hope that he will continue teaching at Pebble Hill and other places. I want to struggle with unanswerable questions with him. I want to sit and struggle and then experience something way beyond my mind and ego. I want to wake up and experience nothing.